Saving Money But Losing Touch
Posted on October 30, 2007 by Melissa
Filed Under Relationships
I went to breakfast with my best friend this morning. We have been friends since high school and have been lucky to have moved to the same town later on in life.
Today was the first time in a long time that we had planned to meet. We used to meet for breakfast pretty frequently, usually once a week. Lately though, things had changed and we would go weeks without seeing each other. This had been bothering me and after a bit of reflection I realized that it seemed to coincide with my new frugal lifestyle.
I asked her about it and told her my concerns that we hadn’t been getting together as often. She said that she knew I have been saving up for this house…
Was my change in lifestyle affecting our relationship?
Could she be afraid of derailing my success in saving up for a home by asking me to breakfast?
Had I neglected my friend by not figuring breakfasts (our special time together) into my budget?
I’m sure it must have been a shock for her to see me go from living completely beyond my means to living on a fraction of my income in order to save aggressively. My friend isn’t a spendthrift but she also doesn’t manage her spending by budgeting like I do now. I wondered if my new attitude on spending money might be making her uncomfortable. Perhaps she thought I might judge her spending now that I have cut back so much. I needed to let her know that wasn’t the case.
We talked about it and I realized she was very proud of me and how I had set myself a goal and was working towards it. By not asking me to breakfast she was trying to support my efforts. I assured her that meeting for breakfast wasn’t a problem and that it wouldn’t break the bank.
I realized that in prioritizing my spending I had neglected to budget for something very important to me. I will now be adding a modest “breakfast” category to my budget to ensure that I don’t forget where my priorities really are. I will make sure I spend that budget every month, too. The time I spend with her is absolutely worth it.
Image Source: kalandrakas
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I couldn’t agree more. I’ve got $25 a month for just that thing!
I’d much rather go out for breakfast than dinner anyway, you don’t spend as much, you start the day off well & there’s nothing better than that second cup of coffee while having a nice long chat.
I always do Friday lunches with a couple friends. :)
This is a beautiful post and a good reminder that some money spent isn’t just paying for a restaurant meal, but affording great fellowship with friends.
I agree with ValleyGirl. Sometimes I think that we forget that our relationships are invaluable.
@debtdieter - We tend to have 3 or 4 cups of coffee over our conversations, hehe. I agree, when you can swing it breakfast is better (and tends to be cheaper, too). I am also setting aside $25. I think that is a good amount to make sure we keep up our meetings.
@BuildAndSucceed - I’m glad to hear others do this, too. I know many people would say just do something free together but I feel it is a small price to pay to keep up our tradition. It isn’t like I’m spending $50 on drinks, right?
@ValleyGirl - Thanks so much for your comment! Sometimes it’s more than just dining out.
@wealthy_1 - Yeah, sometimes we do forget about that. I’m ashamed to think that other parts of my budget might have edged out this priority in my life. Not intentionally, but it is still wrong just the same.
[...] Penny Closer: Saving Money ButLosing Touch. Life is all about balance. What that balance is is different for each of [...]
This is a great post. I worry about how my lifestyle will affect my friendships all the time. Somethings are more important than money. Scratch that, a lot of things are more important than money.
@Amanda - Welcome! I have the same worries about how my new lifestyle affects my friends. Sometimes it’s hard deciding what to keep and what can be cut out when budgeting, especially when only looking at the numbers. Unfortunately, it took me realizing what I was missing out on to figure that out.
Great post. You just reminded to make brunch plans with a friend. Brunch is much less expensive than dinner,and relationships are worth it.
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I think it can be very tough transition from being a spender to being thrifty. I don’t think it has to strain a good friendship, but a concerted effort needs to be made to fill in the gaps that used to be taken by spending…
@jw - Welcome! Brunch is the perfect way to connect with your friends. Even though it is cheaper than dinner I hear that it’s considered very classy. :-)
@dong - I agree that extra effort needs to be made. My frugal transition was like going from speeding to complete stop. Now I’d say I’m at a slow roll and allowing more of the luxuries I used to enjoy in my life again. I need to be more conscious of how the changes I make ripple over to affect my friends. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!
I have always budgeted one day a week out for lunch with friends.
I consider the money to come from my healthcare bucket- as this is much cheaper than psychotherapy (and much more productive for all of us involved).
@DivaJean - That’s hilarious and yet very true! Going out with friends is definitely cheaper than going to a therapist.
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[...] Saving Money But Losing Touch from A Penny Closer: It’s easy to forget in the effort to be frugal that it can (potentially) alienate some people. I’ve had this happen TO me - a couple I was friends with were so frugal they would split a single coke when we all went out for drinks, then sit there silently while the rest of us ate, drank, etc. It was, frankly, too much. Eventually nobody wanted to do ANYTHING with them that involved money. It’s OK, not everything has to involve money, but it’s not worth losing friends over. Though I never completely lost them as friends it got difficult. This is a great read about avoiding that. [...]
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I have a group of friends that meet every Sunday for lunch, and another group that meet every Wednesday for lunch. I tried to cut back, but missed their company, so I cut back on the amount of food I ate. I get plain ice water, and a bowl of soup. No dessert, saved big time on the bill, and I still get to see my friends.
@aeko - Welcome! Keep doing what you are doing. Cutting back on what you spend is the answer not cutting back on seeing your friends. Thanks so much for commenting!
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If eating out is very important to someone I completely understand. Frugality is about spending money on what is really important to you rather than spending money just because everybody else does or expects it.