When Frugality Makes Others Worry

Posted on August 24, 2007 by Melissa
Filed Under Frugality, Relationships

When I first started on my quest to become “frugally enlightened” I asked some friends if they would mind saving me their coupons from their papers if they weren’t using them. I discovered that none of my friends used coupons, but I also got several interesting responses. Something as simple as asking for unused coupons ended up eliciting concerns on whether or not I was doing alright financially.

This was a pretty radical change from my previous behavior and my friends immediately noticed. I had never asked for coupons before and I have always bought what I wanted regardless of sales. But was asking for unused coupons such an extreme measure that it would bring my financial health into question? It was as if people thought, “If she’s using coupons she must really be struggling”. It made me think about how people perceive spending habits, change, and frugality. Maybe I’ll have to touch on that in more detail in a future post.

Even my own mother, upon hearing of my coupon quest, filled bags with food she didn’t plan to eat! She actually gave me food that had been in her pantry for years because she thought I needed the help. It was a kind-hearted gesture, and we graciously accepted the food (well at least some of it – hate to let it go to waste), but it made me realize that perhaps my newfound frugality was causing my loved ones to worry when they didn’t need to.

After all, how many people regularly discuss their financial standing with their friends? They must have thought my new habit was brought on by a pressing financial problem rather than a desire to shop smarter and save money.

Here are a few tips to calm loved ones fears that you might be “going under” if you have decided to adopt some frugal habits.

Reassure them everything is alright financially. Let them know that you aren’t in financial distress just because you decided to tighten the purse strings. Explain that you are dedicated to saving towards achieving a goal you have set for yourself, (e.g. building up an emergency fund or saving for a down payment on a car), or simply let them know that you have decided to be more conscious of where your money goes. Just be honest.

When my friends realized that the lifestyle changes we had adopted were allowing us to save a healthy amount every month they felt reassured everything was alright. They understood our new-found frugality was a choice and not the result of utter desperation (although it really shouldn’t matter – it’s a good way to live no matter what prompted the change).

Try to resist the temptation to accept money. Unless you commonly receive money from your loved ones, accepting money now could reinforce the suspicion that you actually are in a dire financial situation. If you are in serious need that is one thing, but if you are saving for something considered non-essential, it is very satisfying to know you reached that goal unassisted.

The decision on whether or not to accept money is completely yours. Everyone’s position is different. Just realize that it could give the impression that you are sinking rather than succeeding in your new lifestyle.

Show them you are happy with the change. If they know you are happy with your new lifestyle choices they will feel better about it, even if they feel like they would never be frugal unless they had to be. If you constantly complain about how tight the budget is or how you miss your old habits it can give them the impression that you wouldn’t be careful in your spending unless you were being forced to.

Who knows; when they see you have reached your goal by implementing the frugal habits they were originally so worried about, maybe they will be asking for your unused coupons.